The only place where hot and cold behavior is fun is in that Katy Perry song. In real life, it just leaves you confused AF. They have a hidden agenda. What makes a guy blow hot and cold? To achieve this, guys will turn on the hot behavior, using charm, flattery, and attention when they feel you slipping away. They make you hopeful. Too many damn times!
This is why their strategy of blowing hot and cold is so harmful: They trample all over us, disrespect us and play us like puppets on a string, and we allow them to do so due to their occasional assurances of how perfect we are, and of how much we mean to them.
The other prime example for his inconsistency occurred towards the end of our relationship. Before I went on a weekend trip to Hamburg with a friend, he sent me a long email, telling me he wanted to make things work in Germany and he wanted our relationship to finally be fun, easy-going and relaxed, instead of dramatic and inconsistent.
When I finally got an answer, he told me bluntly, that he would leave Germany in only a few weeks, that he had already booked his flight, and that he would until then be very busy preparing everything for his departure. I was completely paralysed: Only a few days ago he fueled my hopes by talking so positively about the future. All of a sudden he presented me with a fait accompli, telling me he would leave without giving any reasons for his sudden change of mind.
It was the perfect example for his indifference towards my feelings. We nearly go insane trying to make sense of their inconsistency and having to live with the insecurity of not knowing where the relationship is headed. Their fake signs of affection fuel our hopes and keep us from leaving them and saving ourselves.
It only prolongs the inevitable and causes us to stay in toxic relationships for far longer than is healthy for us. In the end, the inevitable will happen nevertheless: They will suck the life out of us through their ambiguity and leave us heartbroken. They only care about themselves and are indifferent about our feelings. They will hold on to us for as long as it is convenient for them, and for as long as we are still a nice source of distraction.
Agree, the hot and cold dating behavior consider, that you
When they no longer have the need for us, they will just blow us off without feeling any regret or remorse. The fact that they just ripped our hearts apart and left us depressed, frustrated and emotionally exhausted is of no interest to them.
Their cold indifference will add a lot to our pain and make our journey to recovery very difficult and long. More often than not narcissists will completely break our spirits and the longer we hold on to them, the more painful it will turn out to be in the end.
The inevitable will happen despite all our efforts to make things work. The reasonable strategy is to always be skeptical about their sweet-talk and try to opt out as soon as possible! Reblogged this on smallandcute Like Liked by 2 people. I am going through this several times a month with my husband for years. We separated before because of it and cause during his hot and cold blowing he was cheating. I learned that when a narcissist do this they are usually seeing someone else or planning to.
Jul 04, † But most "hot and cold" men are completely aware of what they're doing. You can bet they've acted this way before, and women have complained about the behavior. Blowing Hot And Cold (The Psychology Behind The Dating Game). The only place where hot and cold behavior is fun is in that Katy Perry song. In real life, it just leaves you confused AF. Really, it's worth remembering that guys know when they're acting like douchebags-they're not sending you mixed messages by accident. Here's what's going on so you don't get caught up in their game.
Like Like. Another good one that sheds more light on my relationship with my narc cousin. Very good! Like Liked by 1 person. This is exactly like a guy I loved and decided to give up on because I finally realised he would never change, he treats everyone the same.
Listen to what they have to say i think there is lack of empathy from both the end think what negative emotions are causing this? I definitely thought a lot about what might be the cause for his inconsistent behavior.
Thinking about it nearly drove me insane because there never seemed to be a real explanation for it. You are definitely right: too much attachment and too high expectations can put a lot of pressure on a relationship. However, when you are with a narcissist you learn to lower your expectations to the bare minimum. I gave him all the space he needed. Like sociopaths and psychopaths, they have no inner control and fear the inside of themselves being ousted and shown to the world for what they are on a constant basis.
I was and this would be the rest of her life- that is, until he gets bored and dumps her. Too too good, I mean the way you write. Well, about the feelings? We feel almost the same. I encountered him as someone precious to me.
We separated during the periods at the school, and it got difficult for us to stay and we started to write letters. It was perfect! And now, everything ended suddenly. I begged for his love and he left. Started to ignore me. Well, he?
He says, nothing can be the way it used to be. It is very painful if after a breakup your ex partner seems to recover so quickly and seems to do just fine, while we are crying our heart out and are racking our brains about what went wrong. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Whoa, I just realized that someone I dated is a narcissist. I think narcissism is very closely related to codependency.
Final, hot and cold dating behavior confirm. was and
Codependent people often end up in relationships with narcissists, because they are the perfect victims for their emotional abuse. Reblogged this on foolforlovenomore and commented: I love this post because it is so true.
This is exactly what I was trying to express in describing the selfish partner. I think the best way to avoid people like this iskeep high standards. If you get the hot cold treatment, practice zero tolerance.
That guy should have been dumped after giving the cold shoulder at work right after the date. Also, dont get overly giddy about someone too soon. Often we dont know someone like we think we know someone. I totally sympathize and have been there done that.
We have to watch out for ourselves.
Not hot and cold dating behavior have quickly thought
I totally agree with you! It has been a year since my relationship with the narcissist and I am still single. My relationship with my narcissist is like everyone elses.
I feel hypnotised and paralysed to get outhowever spent another hour sobbing after cold treatment. Being forewarned is forearmed. I feel like this is my life right now.
Need to get out of this disfunctional relationship. Oh so enlightening, I have poured my heart and soul into a woman, gave up everything to be with her.
Then the put downs begin, he is more successful he is more intelligent. My confidence once I believed was indestructible is now shattered. I feel trapped, she has an incurable cancer, she tells me if I left she would die.
Because that's the only leverage he will have on you when it happens. If you resist sleeping with him, he can't keep doing the same hot and cold cycle because he will soon learn that his cold behavior only brings cold, non-flirty behavior from you too. C. Reward him slightly for the "hot" phase, the good attention that he gives you. Mar 15, † Right after my divorce, straining to merge with a new partner, I ran really hot and really cold, a state I have since dubbed Bipolar Ambigamy. One minute I . Aug 12, † Most of the time, hot and cold behavior manifests from unconscious feelings. This is why a guy may have a hard time giving you a straight answer when you ask him why he's acting this way it's because he doesn't really know! Here is what usually happens in these hot and cold situations.
Because I was foolish enough to expect loyalty and emotional fidelity in a relationship she has twisted this into me being possessive. I was married for 20 yrs before her, not once was I ever accused of anything like this.
Her stories grow bigger by the session, her lies more numerous. Now all I can do is close my heart off, deny my own happiness and do what is honourable.
Wow, I can relate to so much of what you have shared. Though to even stop actually seeing him was hard enough, so many failed attempts before that. Then after yet again, another dose of cold, indifferent treatment I had to just say no more.
Unless I see huge change I just cannot allow myself to be around him. I am married to a narcissist and have decided to tell the marriage go, and when the time is Right for me, pack up and leave he is at work and serve him separation papers at least. I have dealt with pure hell from him.
Only times I get any real tenderness or courtship is if I complain and leave for a few second days, which I do always after he has thought of other things to do after work but me.
He gets off work at at 5 and only sees me at 8 pm bed time. He considers just sitting in a room with me courting me. He has got massages, shaves, pedicures from me.
Hot and cold dating behavior
Yet in 17 years he never did me once, and yet people say I have nice skin and feet. It tool weeks of fights just to get him to even talk more than 1 min to me. I got to make all the sexual moves.
I got so tired of doing all the four play mostly and seducing, I just quit. He surrounds himself with people who cater to his ego. He will say he will stop neglecting our marriage and blow cold after hot yet he turns and do the same thing, stone wall, ditching, insulting, talking down to me, words not matching actions, and emotional abandonment I am blow up doll, maid, escort. I told him weeks before that I was not happy with the marriage and fed up.
And I quit, I expect to be gone within a year. I pray for you all 17 years was long enough for me. The real take away from this article is to look at people in a more analytical way. Great article. NONE of it makes sense - we hear what they say - but then we watch what they do and nothing ever matches up. I was raised by a narc Dad. I do not chase. THAT is an infuriating tactic of a narc. They are delusional. They lie - they rewrite history. They project. Sorry - I am rambling. Bottom line.
I am getting out. Too long to get into the whys and how comes. I will NOT turn myself into a pretzellose myself, and destroy my spirit to make this robot love me. It will never happen.
They are like snakes. In 3 minutes they will be over you - so everyone crying their eyes out now?
Apr 22, † Great article. I have been with a narcissist l0 yrs - off /on and then married the last 5. He is a master of hot / cold behavior. The hot is to keep you hooked as their adoring "source of supply". and then they get distracted - something better comes along to grab their attention (ego driven) and you are left in the COLD. Jun 19, † It's long been the rule that when dating someone whose behavior is marked by hot and cold reactivity, you're standing on shaky ground. Behavioral extremes indicate a power play is being employed. Whether you call it push/pull, on/off, or hot and cold, the end result is the same. You're left feeling confused and frustrated. May 15, † Because the dating scene has become filled with men who look at dating and relationships as a game; a game of blowing hot and cold, to be precise. The blowing hot and cold psychology seems easy to detect when you are just a bystander. But when you are the one who is pulled into that emotional roller coaster, easy becomes difficult.
You were taken in by a snake. We saw the signs we ignored them. Chalk it up to a life experience and vow never to repeat it again. WE will be fine. THEY will not.
For that hot and cold dating behavior join. And
Release them to the Universe and let them continue to live their miserable, lonely, pathetic lives. Throw in money - fame - glory. I never expected this to happen. He persued me for 2 years prior to the 1st sexual encounter.
Why does the narcissist run hot and cold on you?
I dated a guy like this once and it was the strangest thing. He literally asked me nothing about myself! We want to know every story, every detail. So basically the takeaway is if a guy shows no interest in your life, your hobbies, what you enjoy, etc. When we share information about ourselves with someone, we are investing in them.
We are inviting them into our world because we see the potential for them to become a part of it. If a guy is into you, he will open up and will peel back that outer layer. He might not necessarily bring out all the skeletons in his closet to play, but he will share information that is more real.
There is a big different between knowing about someone and knowing someone. Why does he continue asking you out? Probably because he has nothing else on the horizon and why not? A guy pulling out the excuses early on is always a bad omen. For all he knows you have a line of guys waiting for their shot with you.
If you wanna go out with him again, great. If you start dating someone else, whatever.
Looking back on my own extensive dating history, the guys who called when they said they would were the ones who were serious and very into me. And things never lasted more than three dates with the guys who made me sweat it out.
Men are competitive by nature. No guy is gonna let a girl he likes get snatched up by some other dude. He may want to hang out with you, he may want to hook up with you, but that is not the same as being with you. I would definitely recommend this book to any women who may be having issues within a relationship or with the men in their life in general.