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A lot hinges on the third date with a new person. So when you do have cards to show, you dread this date-which is how I felt sitting across from a man with whom I could envision a future, my mouth dry and my palms slick, trying to summon the power to reveal what I thought made me incredibly undatable. It was the reason I believed I was still single after countless awkward encounters. But I could tell things were going to progress between us-I was already imagining what falling in love with this beautiful bearded man would be like-and I knew I had to give him a chance to bail. Although I loved my chosen field, I knew there were less expensive paths I could have taken. On my worst days, I spent hours tossing and turning in bed, desperately wishing I could go back in time and persuade myself to go to a cheaper school.

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Twelve percent of college grads said that high student load debts are a bigger relationship consideration in a partner than their being divorced, having a child from a previous relationship, or having a non-violent felony on their record. That could be making for a lot of lonely hearts. The irony of course, is that a college education is needed to succeed in so many fields, and ideally you would simply advance in your career and steadily pay off the loans yourself, rather than looking for someone to provide for you.

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The idea of partnering up with someone who is also saddled with debt, or who may want your help down the road if you land a more lucrative job, is anything but romantic. But is student loan debt truly a relationship deal-breaker? Erin Lowry, the founder of BrokeMillennial.

Lowry, 27, and her boyfriend, 25, started dating in college six years ago.

Dating Someone with Student Loan Debt Why it Scares Me

Working together to develop a plan to address it is another. Setting short-term and long-term goals, devising budgets and tracking expenses can be overwhelming.

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If the partner with debt is on an income-driven repayment plan and files joint taxes in marriage, loan payments can increase significantly. Tax advantages can even be lost. This may create additional stress in the relationship and compound the financial issues.

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Some couples take out new loans together i. This fundamentally shifts the responsibility of the debt from one partner on to the couple. While it may seem like the right thing to do in marriage, it could create serious issues in the future if the loan goes into default or the marriage ends.

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Some spouses continue their education and need to take on more student loan debt after marriage. Sometimes this becomes joint debt whether the other partner cosigns for a loan or not.

May 14,   Dating someone in debt: How to approach student loans in your relationship Whether you're dating someone with a lot of debt or dating someone with financial problems that seem relatively minor, one thing is certain: Finances are a major component when it comes to measuring your compatibility long-term. Jan 22,   But when it comes to trying to get their student debt forgiven, "more than 99of the student loan debtors in bankruptcy just give up without even trying," Iuliano says. Jun 24,   In addition, student debt can also impact one's romantic relationships, both because it might be difficult to connect with people who do not have student loans, and dating can drain resources that can be used to pay off student debt. However, by keeping a few things in mind, dating while paying off student loans can be much easier.

As you tackle student loans or any money mattersstrive to put your relationship first. Follow these eleven rules to help keep your love alive, your money in order, and any student loan debt from affecting your marriage. Take a deep dive into your finances, learn to manage your money, and avoid debt. This can be challenging as you start your life together!

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Pull both of your credit reports and be transparent about what you owe. Start tracking your expenses and use a budget. To reduce how overwhelmed you feel, adopt a payoff strategy for your student loans and any other debts.

But it can take a long time to see real progress with this method.

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Schedule money dates on the calendar and stick to them. Create both short and long term goals based on both your values.

This addresses your student loans in the present while allowing you to plan your life after them too. Like with institutions, organizations or companies, creating a financial mission statement can provide similar purpose and resolve. A mission statement will help you as a couple visualize your financial goals.

Sep 24,   "Student loan debt, for better or worse, shows that you chose to prioritize your education and invest in your future. It's really nothing to be ashamed of at all." And, Taylor doesn't believe student debt has to detract from dating and having a great time dating on a budget. Here are some tips for how to handle debt and Amanda Reaume. Jan 13,   While student loan debt can affect your future relationships, it doesn't have to mean the end. But if you're dating and in debt, here are some ways to help make the process easier and avoid having student loan debt become a deal breaker. Coming Clean About Your Debt. When you're dating, the topic of student loan debt may not come up right. Nov 03,   Student loans are the bane of every student's existence, myself included. They're a big contributor to my empty bank account and sleepless nights. You would think that loans would only affect our wallets, but that's not necessarily true. Debt has a way with ruining our love life as well.

On top of managing money, you need to manage your feelings. There are layers of emotions on both sides when it comes to a partner who brings debt into a relationship.

Do whatever you can to attack the debt and not each other.

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As much as you want to put money toward debt, putting it towards hiring a professional when you need to is a smart decision. Legal, tax, or financial questions you might search the internet and find answers for can also lead you to make mistakes or miss out on things the pros know. Instead, address it together.

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If you decide to refinance or consolidate spouse student loans, keep separate loans for each person whenever possible. A debt consolidation or personal loan might simplify the process of paying off your debt.

It could also reduce the interest rate on some of your loans depending on your credit history and score.

Feb 06,   Dating When You're $, In Debt I thought my six-figure student-loan debt was making me undatable, but was it really the numbers that kept me from reaching the fourth date? By Author: Elissa Sanci.

But watch out for high fees that are often associated with these types of financial products. Taking on student loan debt after the wedding generally becomes your responsibility as a couple-even if no one co-signs the loan.

Student loan debt and dating

A prenuptial agreement details what your money situation looks like before marriage and what it would look like in the event of a divorce. Prenups are not just for the wealthy.

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While you might not realize it, everyone entering a marriage is entering an agreement on how their finances will be divided upon divorce. In the event of marital dissolution, couples follow the law for married property rights within the state they reside.

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By having a prenuptial agreement signed before entering the marriage, you may have more say if your marriage ends in divorce. Even though your focus is paying off student loans and other debt, you need to think about building long-term wealth too. That should include ways you can celebrate major money wins. When you pay off a loan, treat yourselves to something special. The important part of this is that you both must agree on how to celebrate.

Aug 08,   The intersection of finance and romance is always a tricky place. And many people even arrive there while still dating, when the level of debt - student loans included - carried by a . Student loan debt is a massive problem in the United States. Close to 45 million people-1 in 4 Americans-collectively owe almost $ trillion in student loans. This amount is greater than what people owe on auto loans and credit Amy Blacklock. Aug 07,   "[Student loan debt] can put a lot of pressure on young people and young relationships, but it's not a relationship ruiner," Lowry said. Sonya Kreizman, CEO of dating app conglomerate Crush.

You - and your relationship - deserve it. After considering how debt can affect your relationship, you might be wondering if student loans or any financial liabilities should be a factor to consider when dating someone.

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