Site ate 5 is up, and Fundraising Month continues! Is this a cause for concern? This concerns me. According to her, everything is brilliant and wonderful and he is a prince who treats her with respect, love, and affection. I am posting to query how problematic this age difference is considered by mefites, whom I consider a good barometer on this sort of thing. Details about the relationship that may or may not be relevant: She and I were both raised by strict religious mormon parents. We both independently left this religion years ago for saner pastures.
With you 30 yo dating 20 yo something is. Earlier
It's likely that he will die a decade or more before she does. Maybe that period of being alone and elderly is worth it, maybe it's not, but it's definitely something to think about before you get married.
Also, her mom retired early in part to accommodate her Dad and she's spent the last decade or so being pretty bored. Therein lies your answer. My first instinct was to think "The age difference, not such a problem. The fact that they're working together is a red flag though. This - 20 dating 30 - is healthy and normal. I am not totally sure that "I'm in my late late 20's and I simply cannot imagine dating a 20 year old under ANY circumstances" is Seems unnecessarily limiting?
Late 20s and 20 may feel far apart but that will seem silly when at 30 and late 30s. But that's not the question.
So, yeah, your sister's fine. I don't think "I am pretty sure if this guy were 40 a lot more people would have felt the same apprehension" is true.
I don't think the average grown-up takes a lot of interest in the age of another grown-up's partner, and these things are just not outrageous, wrong, or otherwise bothersome or unsettling for most people. Depends on the guy. I dated a guy 8 years older than me at that age, and he was great. No problems there. On the other hand, after dating me he swore he'd never date younger again. Once I hit his age, I was all, "Why the fuck did he date a year-old?
As long as he follows Dan Savage's campsite rule and all that. I don't think this has to be a big deal, assuming the following: - the work situation isn't one where he's directly supervising her - they're on the same page about what they want out of life over the next few years and she isn't going to compromise her own interests and ambitions for someone who is in a huge rush to settle down These things could be an issue at any age, of course.
Every couple is different though, and it depends more on the individuals' maturity levels than anything else. I was 28 when I started dating my then 58 year old boyfriend three years ago.
We've been married since last November.
It's amazing, and none of anyone's business. For what it's worth, when I started dating Mr. Ipsum I was 23 and he was My parents were concerned about the age difference, but they didn't really have a say in the matter, and he eventually won them over anyway.
He admits now that he himself was a bit concerned about the age difference. But he soon found out that I was, in his words "not some silly little girl" as in, I didn't act immature and that we had a lot in common. In fact, during our first year together, he once made the comment that I was "23 going on 40" so I think these things are more of an issue of compatibility than chronological age.
To expand jenfullmon's appeal to Savage's campsite rule about age-gap relationships: he should leave her in better shape than he found her.
Jan 05, I've been dating a year-old man for almost a year now. Prior to this relationship, I spent a significant amount of time dating men in this age group. What you can recognize is that a man of this age exhibits some characteristics of Generation X . Aug 11, I was a 20 year old dating a 30 year old and it was great; but it was much less great when I was a 37 year old married to a 47 year old. I know twenty year old guys are not as mature; but now that I am 46 I really like my 47 year old. Source(s): school of hard knocks. 3 1. Anonymous. May 21, Well I'm not 30, so I have no idea. But I'm not against people with that age difference from dating, it's just that the bigger the gap the more red flags that seem to show up. I have a niece who is currently 20 and is dating a guy around age H.
It's also normal. There's nothing abnormal about wanting to date someone who in your exact age cohort. My sister-in-law is 9 years older than The Brother, and his ex-wife and ex-long-time-girlfriend were similarly older. Dating with an age gap works great for some people, not so great for other people. I think there can be issues when people are dating people because of a big age gap. Especially when the younger party is looking to work out issues with a parent, or when the older party wants to use their age and experience to bully or control younger partners.
But those red flags turn up in the relationship dynamics, not in the simple difference in age. Speaking from personal experience - just don't go there. They will always be in two different places in their lives, no matter how mature one or the other might be.
I also do not think the age thing is a big deal in and of itself. However it sounds from your post like you haven't actually met this fellow. The best way to ease your mind would be to spend time with them both and see how they interact. There can be subtle signs that a less experienced person may not pick up on when assessing someone- or a person that's all hopped up on lovey feelings wouldn't notice.
I mean you don't have to be formal about it, just a getting to know the new guy get together. I think this is totally sibling territory, I mean it may not be your business, but you can still butt in a little, with a lot of care.
May 01, There are a lot of benefits to dating someone a bit younger. And there are some annoying parts, too. Here are the pros and cons of being a year-old woman dating a year-old . Dec 31, If a man is 40, is dating a pair of year-olds equivalent to dating one year-old? From a respectability standpoint, no. From a brag and go high-five your friends standpoint, yes. Is it weird that I'm a 30 yo Ateneo Law student dating a 20 year old Ateneo sophomore? Questions. Is it weird that I'm a 30 yo Ateneo Law student dating a 20 year old Ateneo sophomore? Questions. nsfw. When you answer my question please state your gender and your age. I want to know what the women think and what the men think.
I don't think the age difference itself is a problem. However, a year-old who was a virgin living with her parents and going to school is in a hugely different place than most year-olds.
Keeping it secret from parents and employers may make it seem more mysterious and appealing than it would be if they were able to have a "normal" relationship. This is said with some experience - I was 18 and living on my own; he was 31, divorced with two kids.
I think at the time we may have been equals in maturity but then I grew up. However, everyone is different. I don't see any huge red flags but think there's maybe an orange one for caution.
A thought for your sister. I tend to date older people, so far up to the 10 year age gap your sister is experiencing when I was 18, he was 24; now I am 24 and she is When it doesn't matter is when you and your partner don't talk or worry about it. If it comes up between the two of you, it's going to be a problem-if it's coming up, one party is having a problem respecting another because of age, or is uncomfortable because of it, or whatever.
Age was a much bigger issue in my 6-year-gap relationship than it is in my current year-gap relationship.
Feb 14, In general, I wouldn't say that a year-old dating a year-old raises any immediate red flags. I do worry that she's perhaps jeopardizing her current living situation due to point 2. I personally see nothing wrong with pre-marital sex, and even encourage it, but I'm not her parents. Jan 07, Because those cologne-wearing, Dolce-upgraded, French-press-drinking, something hunks are a whole different animal. Here's everything you need to know about dating a year-old .
Who knows whether these things will work out years is a lot in terms of life stage, when to settle down, etc. But your sister sounds prepared for that. I'd just add that if he thinks it's a big deal, or she thinks it's a big deal, thats probably an orange flag. Not a red flag Being a big sister, I'm concerned with all of my little sister's relationships so I'd say there's cause for a little concern, but in the end it's her choice.
I dated a guy fourteen years older than myself, and when anyone - sister, friend, parent - told me he was too old for me I'd just push back against it and their ultimately well-founded concerns went in one ear and out the other. If she's handling it well, great! If she isn't or if he turns out to do something really wrong then just listen to her and keep doing what you're doing - listen to her and give the best advice you can.
I'll second what equivocator said - if one or both of them are already concerned about the age gap, they should both probably try to slow down a bit and deal with it before going any further.
Twenty is a little young to be taking on a serious relationship with someone that has, in all likelihood, already gone through the highs and lows of sexual relationships, but age itself isn't a big concern at all when compared to other issues that you'll get by having a serious relationship with someone else regardless of any age difference; personality clashes, irreconcilable differences of opinion and so on.
Almost all my relationships have had this kind of age gap or bigger and I'm fine.
Talented idea 30 yo dating 20 yo sorry
There is one downside I can think of that's worth being aware of: If you're a woman dating a much older guy, you can easily end up in a very slightly parent-child-like dynamic, where he makes more decisions after all, he has much more life experience! If you were a young person dating someone of the same age, it would be much easier to just both go out discovering the world together and working out how to get along.
I think anyone young in a relationship with an age difference like this needs to be particularly careful to stand up for themselves, to be an equal partner in decision-making, and to make sure to spend plenty of time around other adults so that they get a balanced view of how different people handle life.
Opinions from a content single: I used to be quite concerned over the age difference, however my views have changed.
I'd think more about compatibility, life goals, ability to communicate as more important cts of any relationship. The thing with 20 - 30 is not so much the age gap as the experience gap. It's much, much bigger than later twenty-year gaps.
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For example, a year old with a year old is not going to seem such a big deal. It can work, though. My mother married when she was 19 and my dad was That one lasted 55 years, until his death in Not saying they were a super match they weren'tbut they made it.
Bottom line: she should be careful and not rush into marriage, but it's her call. Unless the guy is a choad, it'll probably be fine. Something to think about: Nietzsche commented that both men and women would benefit from having romantic relationships with much older members of the opposite sex, at least once in their youth. A lot happens in 10 years.
She hasn't seen the world, he probably has. My biggest concern would be that he won't want to do what she wants to do since he has done it already. I personally don't know how a 30 year old would want to date a 20 year old. My youngest sister was married in August Her husband is 14 years older than she is.
My younger sister was married in August Her husband is 7 years older than she is. Both are happy. The relationships are healthy.
Being a single guy in your 30s - Step by step guide
And there is no strange life experience power-balance of any kind. The mark of a good relationship is how well does he treat her?
How well does she treat him? And are they both happy? I won't say age is irrelevant, but as I told my mom when she first had doubts about my younger sister dating a man 7 years older than she and then my youngest sister dating a man 14 years older than she, if age is the only concern or issue, then it's not much of an issue.
Eep, Mefi hates brackets. Creepy math works like this, where X is the older individual and Y is the younger. An 18 year old may date as low as a 16 year old. They may not date a 15 year old.
A 50 year old may date as young as a 32 year old, anything less is creepy. Some circles debate that the 7 should be a 5. However, This means that a 16 year old may date a 13 year old, and I'm just not OK with that. The age issue doesn't make me blink. The fact that they work together has the potential for disaster. There are really three possibilities. I speak from experience. I think the age difference is fine.
If I were your sister, the main thing I'd be concerned about is not letting the relationship stand in for my own process of growing up and being more independent. I definitely understand not being able to afford a place on her own, which is why I, and most people I know, had roommates until we were around 25 or so.
So if she considers living with your parents restrictive and harmful, or even if she'd just like some experience at managing her own bills, groceries, etc.
Because if it's a relationship that works out in the long term, she might learn some valuable things from not going right from living with your parents to living with a boyfriend. She'd have a lot of support from friends and roommates who are learning all this stuff at the same time.
Whereas if she waits and the relationship doesn't work out, then it will all seem a lot scarier when it seems like everyone else her age has already had those experiences. Basically, there's no way to know at 20 if you'll still be with the same person at It may very well work out, but there's no harm in stretching yourself and becoming as independent as possible while continuing the relationship.
The age difference is the least of your worries, if it is a worry at all. My husband is 16 years older than I am and we're as well matched as two peas in a pod.
30 yo dating 20 yo
I was 33 and he was 47 when entering the relationship, so, perhaps, more mature, but it was my first real relationship. We've been together over 11 years and there's no end in sight. My family has a lot of these age gaps in it; the longest is 30 years. The only thing I'd question is the fact you're not 21 yet and he may want to drink.
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Other than that, I say go for it. You'll even be able to attract guys you might feel is out of your league. I suggest going on a bunch of dates before choosing one guy to be your boyfriend.
Have fun. Be confident and try to talk to him the way he talks. If he is calm talk calm. Be chill like him and just try to talk to him like he is an another human being. First try to become a friend of his, but without wasting a lot of time express your feelings towards him.
I started dating my now husband when I was 16 and he was We have been together for 17 years and married for 8. I prefer older men. But yes it can work out.
I had my doubts at first also,but all is well. Its completely okay! Don't think about pros and cons. Thats a perfect age together. Which leads me to.
Challenge him, but know when to stop. Start becoming a do-er. You said you wanted to be more active, remember? Just never refer to his age in a bad light because that is his Achilles Heel; it's what his mother nags him about. That means no joking about him being an old man or way, way worse an old fart.
Recoils in horror. Heaven forbid you ever, ever, use the f-word! Just understand that his cooking you dinner is not the same as you two cooking together.