How should a Christian guy ask a girl out? Should he talk to her father? Should he talk to her mother? Does a Christian guy need to talk to the pastor before asking a girl out? Should a Christian guy ask a girl out only when he is prepared to tell her he wants to marry her? In this article I will give Christian guys 4 tips on how they can approach this question about asking a girl out.
In this article I will give Christian guys 4 tips on how they can approach this question about asking a girl out. Before I can really give Christian dating advice to guys, we have to define the terms and viewpoints we are working with. In Christian communities, there are basically two different camps when it comes to premarriage romance.
There are those who believe in Christian courting and those who believe in Christian dating. It could mean ask her out on a single date without becoming boyfriend and girlfriend. Or it could mean that he is asking her if she wants to become a couple.
5 Ways to Ask Someone Out
I see helpful principles in both. I like the marriage intent of courting but I like the more relaxed beginnings of Christian dating. So rather than tell all Christian guys to ask all Christian girls out in the same way, I think it is a wiser approach to adjust your strategy based upon the relationship that already exists. If a guy has a good friendship with a girl, then I think he she should start the relationship off with a more intentional conversation.
Rather, he should probably ask her if she wants to be in a committed relationship together.
If a Christian guy likes a girl but does not know her that well, then there is less to risk and they should start their dating relationship much slower and with less pressure. Going on a few dates without becoming an official couple is probably the better rout.
If the dates go well then the guy should have a more intentional conversation about becoming boyfriend and girlfriend.
The delivery is less important than the intent. However, in some cases I do think a guy can really sabotage himself if he uses the wrong means of communicating when asking her out.
In principle, I think the guy should use the most respectful and mature means of communication possible, which is a face to face conversation. If a face to face is not possible, I think a phone call is the next best thing. My wife and I were living in different states when I asked her out, so I asked her out over the phone.
We had been close friends already so we entered into a serious relationship right from the start. If you want to enter into a serious relationship, I think in person or over the phone are your best options for asking a girl out. When you ask, I would recommend not being overly serious and heavy about it. Keep it light since your relationship is light. This is a classic way that Christian guys scare girls away. Otherwise just becoming friends first and then having a more serious courting conversation would make more sense.
You have to know the girl. Some women might not like this approach but sending a text is helpful if you are trying to not put too much pressure on her. One glance at the numerous books about love, dating, and marriage suggests that we're making a lot of this up as we go along.
Of course, there are biblical principles that are essential to dating. If you follow the biblical prescriptions for gentleness, respect, sexual purity, and kindness Gal.
Your head and your heart should be in Scripture at all times, but you won't find specific guidelines for dating.
Is it okay to kiss before marriage? The answer isn't in the Bible though the Song of Solomon sure gives us a clue. How about going out on dates alone? Nope, not in there either. The Bible provides some crucial relational principles but doesn't address the specifics.
This requires more decision-making on your part. You can't follow antiquated courtship rituals anymore.
At least I don't advise it. Asking a woman's father if you can date his daughter without consulting her first might be a good way to never get a first date.
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You also don't have a scriptural field manual that tells you how to behave in every situation. It's up to you to be in prayer and conversation with your Christian community about these things.
You're going to have to think, talk, pray, and be ready to make some mistakes. Speaking of mistakes, let's look at our next myth. If this is true, I screwed up somewhere. I thought my wife was out of my league when I met her.
We had a nice conversation, but I left thinking that she wouldn't go out with a guy like me. Regardless, I didn't get a divine telegram saying, "She's the one! Start picking out china patterns!
Waiting for God to whack you on the head and tell you whom to marry isn't faith; it's fear. Many people want nothing to do with dating because of the risk and potential pain that it involves. This is certainly understandable, as dating can have traumatic results in unhealthy circumstances. But what do you think serves us better in the long run? Growing and suffering in the process of learning or a revelation that lets us off the hook? I would have loved to know that the beautiful woman I was talking to would one day be my wife, but I might not have worked as hard to earn her hand in marriage.
I would have missed a lot of experiences that made me a better man. Be careful if you think God has told you that Betty from the bookstore is the one for you, but you have no idea if she feels the same way.
If you plunge in, convinced that you are on a mission from God, and she's not sure yet, it's a quick way to scare her off. Our unconscious mind can kick up powerful feelings that sometimes get mistaken for a message from God. Maybe she was nicer to you than anyone you've met in a long time.
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Maybe she's the first woman you ever met that likes Cracker Jacks as much as you do. Or maybe she's just drop-dead gorgeous. Of course, a woman who's nice, white-hot cute, and likes Cracker Jacks might be someone you want to ask on a date.
I just wouldn't go ring shopping yet. Especially if you want a second date. This is the point where I might tick off some of you, so allow me to assuage your anger before I explain this myth.
I am not saying that you cannot or should not be friends before dating.
I'm also not talking about a man and a woman who are interested in each other and agree to be friends for a period before dating.
Some of the most successful relationships begin in friendship. Sometimes you don't even know you want to date someone until you are friends with her. I've met couples who were friends for years and then fell in love. It's a super way to start a relationship. The problem is that a lot of men think the best way to pursue a woman is to befriend her while hiding their interest in dating her.
This is a rotten idea and sets a lot of men up for trouble. Tommy was a client of mine who tried this approach. He had been interested in a woman at his church for a few months, but he was terrified of rejection.
Taking a Risk and Asking Someone Out - Read about Christian dating and get advice, help and resources on Christian single living. "I want to ask a friend out, but I'm worried she'll say. Christian guys are wimps, they don't do the job, they need to man up, take a risk and ask a girl out. That's the conventional picture painted. I want to step back from the generalisations and tell my story. My seven fears, the seven things that hold me back.
So he made his best effort to become her friend, never letting on that he wanted to be her boyfriend. He gave her rides to church, had coffee with her, and talked to her on the phone two or three times a week.
Whenever she needed help or support, Tommy was there. But he never asked her out.
Then another man in the church asked her out, and she accepted. When she shared the news with Tommy, he was devastated.
He told her about his true feelings, and she was shocked. She was hurt that he didn't tell her sooner and expressed regret that he'd never asked her out.
However, she refused to back out of the date with the other guy. It proved the end of their friendship, and Tommy retreated into frustration and despair.
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You have to be honest about what you're doing. Don't kid yourself and don't lie to her. Be friends all you want, but if you want to date her, she needs to know and you need to ask her out.
Some people distinguish "dating" from "friendship" based on one thing: physical intimacy. More specifically, kissing. A man and a woman who are interested in each other remain "friends" by going out only on group dates and refraining from intimate contact of any description.
Apparently, this means they aren't dating. Friendship and dating are categorically different. Of course, you must be friends with the person you date, but there's much more to it.
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The emotional "heat" that occurs between people in a romantic relationship is both more exhilarating and more complicated than friendship. People have higher expectations for someone they're considering for marriage. Friendship cannot contain the emotions, intensity, and intimacy that dating does. If you and a woman are hot for each other, you aren't "just friends.
If romance is the goal of a man and woman's relationship, they are dating. Confuse it with friendship at your peril. I admit I've never heard it put that way, but the implication is out there. Any lecture or book on dating inevitably includes something about sex and, yes, this one does too. Frequently, the message is "Control yourself!
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Your sex drive is out to get you! It's just waiting for one weak moment to jump out and turn you into a nymphomaniac and demolish your soul.
Finally, for great asking-out technique, I can do no better than share an email I once received after a Christian singles event. It went like this 'Hi HopefulGirl. It was great to meet you at the party last weekend. I was the good-looking one with the infectious sense of humour - or was that you?! I'd like to invite you to lunch. May 05, Getting to Know Her 1. Be up front about who you are. Whether you share her beliefs or not, it's crucial to be honest with her and stay true 2. Find out what she likes to do. It may be that her beliefs don't permit her to do certain things, like going out for 3. Find common ground. If you're %(2). How to Ask Someone Out: Have a Dating Plan. If the person says yes be prepared with a some creative dating ideas that will be fun for both of you. Reading about first date do's and don'ts will also be helpful at this time, that is, if you're planning on having a second date as well. How to Ask Someone Out: Commit the Result to the Lord. Whether the person says yes or no, remember the Lord has a future .
And then we wonder why so many Christians end up with sexual problems, both before and after marriage. The Bible tells us to save sex for marriage 1Cor.