The spouse of someone living with dementia is experiencing not only the pressure of caring for a loved one, but also their own personal loss and sadness. This profound change in their relationship can be difficult and overwhelming for the couple. Here are some ideas on how you can provide support for a couple with dementia:. Changing Roles. As the spouse living with dementia slowly becomes less capable of managing daily tasks and responsibilities, the caregiver will be faced with more and more to take on. Making important decisions alone can be scary and overwhelming.
Nikki, I sure do hope you polish your halo and dust off your angel wings once in a while. I love you, girlie, and you are just too good for me. Amicrazy, if you want to know what the kids think Also, you are where you are by choice. I personally would have rather been able to choose to care for my dear departed darling than to leave a doctor's office with a death sentence hanging over my head and not know how long it was going to take.
My husband passed away February of this year. He knew who I was up to the last 5 days of his life. He had moments of clarity even then. During our relationship, I never loved anyone but him and I don't love anyone but him right now.
Enough said. Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand across my mouth The road less traveled. I guess it the situation is rather unusual, from that standpoint someone may write a book about this type of situation.
Dating someone whose spouse has alzheimers
I do not think anyone would put themself into this situation willing, you have just proven me wrong. I would say if the family does not want you involved then you should honor the request and be a friend from a far. Having been in his shoes I did not get much support from family so I was looking for what ever help I could get to cope with what life had dealt me.
He is in a very difficult situation and support is what he needs, but the cost of the support you are offering may be at a high cost to his family situation. If his family is not helping him, I would not care what they thought if you are his only support.
I'm not sure if I remember the stats correctly, but I think there are about 5 million in the U. The EOAD piece would be about 5 or 10 percent of that. Unless someone with a younger-onset dementia is dx in their 40's or 50's, they probably don't have children living at home. If they do, in addition to the responsibility of the children and taking care of the person with dementia, the caregiving spouse is probably still in the workforce. It's logistics-I don't think most people in that position have the time or energy left to be in a new relationship.
Even with no children and being retired, there was no way I could think about dating while my husband was living at home. I think Mimi's suggestion about attending a support group would be beneficial. I actually see how your presence could be a plus to all concerned if it is handled sensitively. Based on your post you sound like you feel this man is worth it, even with his complicated family situation. Good luck. Amicrazy-my best advice is to get an honest assessment from your man as to HIS feelings about being in a relationship right now, and gauge the appropriateness following his lead.
It's hard for you to make that call.
Have hit dating someone whose spouse has alzheimers something is. thank
As for his relationship with his children, etc I'm speaking from my point of view as a spouse of a husband in late-stage Alzheimer's, and I have another man in my life. I decided, recently, to be up-front about this because the decision came after years of caregiving and much consideration of the needs of all parties involved. I know I am not alone as a spouse in this situation, and I think it SHOULD be open for discussion so pretending it is not true by omission seems silly to me.
Mar 26, People whose spouses have Alzheimer's disease face the complex decision of whether to pursue romantic relationships with other people while their partner is still alive. Jun 08, You have come to a place of truth, support, and solutions to the distinctive issues and challenges faced by the spouses of Alzheimer patients. This is a place of comfort for spouses who are trying to cope with the Alzheimer's/dementia of their husband/wife. Oct 27, Tami has since chronicled the couple's hurdles in her book, "Bleeding Hearts: A True Story of Alzheimer's, Family, and the Other Woman," published in .
I will say that opinions WILL run gamut among members of this forum What has mattered the most to me is the opinions of our children, my husband's family, our friends and community AS WELL AS a honest, thorough, holistic look at what is best for me as an organism, and whether I can truly meet my husband's needs under these circumstances.
That is why I believe you have to feel your way based on his assessment. You need to be aware that care for his spouse is paramount and he very likely will have to intervene in emergency situations, attend to her frequently, and remain somewhat divided in his attentions for now. I am concerned that you're worried you might hurt his relationship with his children.
That says to me don't know if I'm right that maybe he doesn't have their approval, and this certainly would complicate any relationship. But that is really his issue to iron out, and how your relationship proceeds is going to be affected by his open communication with his children and whether they are of an understanding frame of mind, or whether this is something they're having trouble dealing with.
Having the questions you have is natural, and doesn't necessarily point to the relationship being a wrong choice.
Recommend dating someone whose spouse has alzheimers congratulate, this
Are you enhancing his life and well-being without bringing pain to anyone else? He's going to have to help answer that. The book and information you seek is "Jan's Story". In the Alzheimer's world this is not always so clear. If you stepped in after her physical death and aided in childcare and had a good second mother relationship with them you would be seen as a wonderful savior.
The problem is and in the AD world will always remain exactly when is somebody; gone, dead, left, abandoned or made single by the disease. And THIS is what we and you seem to be struggling with. There is no one correct answer. If you and him and the kids and the old and new in-laws and the community at large can all agree in your hearts, that she is "gone" and exists only in a physical presence then perhaps everyone can accept you as the second relationship of a widower.
I didn't see how old the children were, but whether widowed or divorced, the relationship of a second mother is always difficult.
If however you, or anyone else holds to the idea that she is 'still alive' and the original relationship and vows are still in effect, then you are and will always be nothing more than "the other woman". I certainly agree that a frank and open discussion needs to be held with ALL involved! As was done in Jan's Story.
I see two people seeking comfort. Maybe a telephone relationship would work for awhile. It is a tough road for you no matter what you do.
Life is a heartache sometimes. CommentAuthor lulliebird CommentTime Jun 13th When I posted my comment about this relationship my concern was for the children.
It is interesting to read that the responses are not quite as supportive for your situation. I agree with Nikki, in that if we are supportive of the Alzheimer Spouse, how can we feel differently about the person with whom the Alzheimer Spouse is involved? In any case, this is something you have to work out with your companion.
It does help to have the support of his children, friends, and family, but ultimately, the decision is for the two of you to make. I am aware of many Alzheimer Spouses who use dating sites for simple non face to face companionship, and others who use them looking for in person companionship. In almost all cases, they are up front and honest about their situation, so you may find someone in a situation similar to yours who is willing to talk with or write to you about it.
I was thinking along the lines of what Joan mentioned, that if we support that "us guys", the spousal caregivers, to have a relationship, depending in some ways on how advanced our mates arethen why would we not support the one who is the love interest, the "outsider" so to speak.
AmIcrazy, in your situation it sounds a bit shaky, and I hope it can all be ironed out. Some members here have had blessings of friends and family, and that is ideal.
Is Husband Cheating on Wife Who Is Struggling with Alzheimer’s?
I, as a spouse that loves my guy so so much, he is now in a facility in late stage 6support anyone who is in this situation, if their hearts are in the right place. Something sort of clicked when reading your desire to write about your position.
You know I am I think anyway, very open minded to these things if done with honesty and love. Maybe I would find it much more interesting if it was written with the two, threepeople involved, with all perspectives and of course the victim cannot write.
Either way, I wish you all the best, we are all deserving human beings in this huge pool of life. CommentAuthor amicrazy CommentTime Jul 9th edited. I have read Jans story a long time ago as suggested but that book is from his perspective not the womans perspective he was dating. Also his children were older and they were his from a previous marriage.
We have a very open, honest relationship. I went into this relationship willingly and with my eyes completely open and I know that is hard from some to believe. She was diagnosed 8 year ago and both children are under the age of 11 I am in my early 40's. Imagine if you had to take care of your ALZ spouse and raise young children that have not had a normal childhood as they have had to grow up very quickly. They have not known a mother as you have known a mother. Children that have to take their mother to the restroom in public, or hold her hand and guide her so she wont walk away or by telling her that its ok just to name a few.
I have always told him that his family comes first. His family has not taken an active role in helping with his wife or the children.
I continue to take a more active role all the time. I have taken the children and their mother out in public without his assistance and I will continue to help as much as needed by doing such things as being at the house one night a week while he has work obligations or whatever comes up. He is not alone as I feel like I am in this with him and its our journey together to care for her and the children and work through things.
I have met his family and he has met mine and all are supportive of our relationship.
Jul 10, For nine months I have been dating a wonderful man whose wife is in an advanced stage of early onset Alzheimers in her early 50s. He is taking care of his wife at home and they have young children. I knew right away about the situation and he has always been upfront, truthful and he answers any questions that I ask. Sep 13, "With a spouse who has Alzheimer's disease those basic needs are put on the back shelf. I don't know if turning 50 or menopause has awakened me, but I want passion back in my life." To her, passion means a man who desires her, someone to hold her, someone who knows how to kiss and caress, and someone to laugh with-all impossible to have alone. A lovely message of support for someone who is the caregiver for a man with Alzheimer's Disease. Pretty purple flowers and words to encourage. Sometimes a little caring note can mean so much to a person facing the duties of a caregiver. Product Id:
As for the book We have talked about doing one together- He really wants to write one regarding his experiences with ALZ, partly because he is so young and there are young children involved.
Unfortunately the younger that people become diagnosed with this horrible disease the more our situation will not be a minority. Finally- I want to say God Bless all of you and I hope that you find strength and peace on your journeys.
Call me a bitch but I sure do hope you are not looking to cash in on this unfortunate situation. Ok, guys, you know that I sometimes just blurt out what other people are thinking. I'm sorry and you are welcome.
Speaking, dating someone whose spouse has alzheimers excited
I guess it's just hard for me to believe that there is someone out there like you who willingly puts herself in this situation with the purest of motives. Just look at the world around us. I have a hard time watching my DH change so much and can 't imagine having someone else in my life except a trained caregiver to give me breaks.
My concern for this lady is that once his DW has passed will he want to or be able to build a good solid relationship with the amicrazy or will there be just to many memories for him to deal with. What will amicrazy do then? I'm concerned that he's still so committed to his DW, then how can he commit to amicrazy?
I don't think I would, knowing what I know now about the disease progression, want to bring someone into a relationship with me.
I just couldn't commit my all to anyone but DH until he is gone and maybe not even then. One more thing that is concerning me is that you have not said anything about how advanced the DW is and how do you or her DH know how this relationship with her husband and her children is affecting her.?
We have no idea how much dementia patients comprehend. Is this maybe hurting her very deeply? How do you know if this is causing her deep pain? I am not judging you but living with a person with the disease, I know that many thing we do can cause them deep hurt and we have to be careful because we don't know how much they understand even right to the end. Two things Linda.
You've explained your opinion and why. That's all any of us can do. We're all under strain and you have already fought the war amicrazy is considering voluntarily entering.
Nov 13, Dating Someone Whose Spouse Has Dementia. Nancy MonsonHealth Writer Nov 13, iStock. When Tami Reeves met her now-husband, Eric, through an online dating site, he told her within 20 minutes Author: Nancy Monson. Even at the beginning of my husband's disease I, a Christian wife who had promised to remain loyal throughout illness, would have thought I would remain faithful and yet now I contemplate the idea of finding a partner other than mine with Alzheimer's. Someone with whom I can have a mutual conversation - something more than the 15th time. Nov 07, Dating Someone & Married to Spouse With Alzheimer's Disease The Long Goodbye, about a man named Barry Peterson whose wife, Jan, had Alzheimer's.
I'll call you a bitch if you really want me to; but, you didn't do anything wrong. Amicrazy is willing to help this "wonderful man" take care of his wife and help him raise young children to be with him.
What would be crazy would be for anyone to do such things to their own life just to write a book. Amicrazy isn't doing that.
She's thinking that her situation is so unusual it might be good to write about it for others. No author writes strictly for others. Pretty purple flowers and words to encourage. Sometimes a little caring note can mean so much to a person struggling with a loved one's illness. Product Id: Artist: Corrie Kuipers Product Id: Sometimes a little caring note can mean so much to a person facing the duties of a caregiver.
Customize: Inside text only Inside Text: May you draw Strength and Courage from the deep love you show for your loved one every day.
Recommend you dating someone whose spouse has alzheimers topic What
May God grant you unlimited strength, courage and loving support. By sending this card you are showing your support to the caregiver who so deserves it! Take care of yourself card. Customize: Inside text only Inside Text: caring for an aging parent is a challenge, and sometimes it can be hard to cope Support for someone who cares for a sufferer from.
Caring for a person who suffers from Alzheimer's Disease can be heartbreaking: this card expresses empathy and love for the supporting carer. While you seem so strong, it must be a heavy burden for you. This card is a warm hug and a wish for you to take care of yourself and know that you are appreciated and very much loved!
Forget me not card. Customize: Inside text only Inside Text: Forget me not I may not be who I once was my memory is set for pause but I am still a child of God just like you with many flaws. Making important decisions alone can be scary and overwhelming. Help them organize their finances, find important documentation, or seek professional help from a financial advisor.
Be there as a sounding board when they need to make tough decisions. They may be feeling very overwhelmed, so support them with these tasks where you can or help them find professional assistance. Intimacy and Connection. Emotionally and physically their relationships can change dramatically.
As they watch their loved one slip away, they may experience depression, frustration, deep sadness, and guilt for their loss. Give them a gift certificate for a massage to relax.
A caregiver may be missing that physical connection. Your love and affection can help fill a void. If they are experiencing depression, help them seek out professional help and support groups in their area. Loss of Connection with Others.